Is Self Care Selfish

" Self love is walking away from something that doesn't serve you.."

self care
“Self love is saying no just as much as saying yes. Self love is knowing when to take a day off and not apologizing for it. Self love is telling someone when they’re making you feel uncomfortable or stepping out of line. 

We practice self love everyday. Some days it looks like top knots, tea and cozy sweaters... other times it looks like standing up for yourself in sticky situations. How are you showing yourself love today?
— Lee From America

The word self care has probably become one of the biggest words of 2017. How did I not hear about this MAJOR thing of...taking care of yourself.. until now??

When the phenom of "self love" came up, I remember reading about these people who were making time for themselves, and how it seems silly or selfish. Oh, you are gonna take a day off of work to stay home and do a face mask and read a book? psh ok instagram, thanks for teasing me with unrealistic day plans.

But then more and more people started talking about self love, and how it looked different for each person. It didn't have to be inconvenient for everyone surrounding you, it was as simple as stopping for one second to breathe.

alo hm

I am a people pleaser. I will literally do anything I can, at my own forever expense, to make the people I care about happy. While it is one of my favorite qualities about myself, it can also create a negative impact on my life. Saying YES to everything even though on the inside I'm screaming NO, feeling terrible guilt when I don't meet someones expectations, letting plans fall through, etc are ways that I do not show myself self love. 

Self love is yes, taking care of your vessel, your temple, your body but I think more accurately, it's taking care of your mind. Letting yourself be at peace for even just 10 minutes a day is self love! 

I remember making a decision in April that I need to start practicing self love and self care with myself immediately. I needed to take a stand for my worth and find what made me happy, but instead what I found, was overwhelming guilt. I have never felt more selfish in my entire life. 

I can't take this hour for a bath! I need to clean the house!

I can't buy myself new clothes! We have debt to pay and it's not fair to buy something for just yourself!

I can't leave my phone in the other room while I have dinner with my husband! What if someone needs me?

I can't start a blog! I don't have the time.

I really don't want to go to that thing tonight, but its easier to say yes than no.

All of these thoughts plus more, ran through my head as soon as I decided to care for myself. Even mentioning to my close friends that I wanted to start to practice more self love in my life, made me feel stupid; made me feel silly, like I was being childish.

Self love is an ocean and your heart is a vessel. Make it full, and any excess will spill over into the lives of the people you hold dear.
But you must come first.
— B Taplin

But thats the thing with standing up for something, you have got to push your surroundings (your thoughts, negativity, fears) away so you can give yourself the room to stand.

So I started small. I took a bath. Well, thats not true. I told my husband that we needed to get our disgusting bathtub replaced so I could take a bath. 

But then I took a bath! I lit candles, poured a glass of wine and turned on a podcast I've been wanting to listen to - and came out feeling like a new person.

In yoga, we preach balance. Balance in life, in our minds and through our poses. IRL though, it's incredibly hard and it takes time to figure out what that balance truly means for us as individuals.

Carving out 15 minutes a day to yourself, even if it is to make a PLAN to practice self care will be beneficial. Showing yourself that you do matter and that you don't have to be a martyr to your own life, will actually help you be the best version of yourself! 

When I started the blog, the feelings of joy and purpose flooded in with this passion project. Taking time to enjoy fashion, to share all the fun beauty trends, planning yoga flows to share on youtube (coming soon!!) and turning on my creative juices to write it all down, had been exactly what the self care doctor ordered.

alo hm

So whether it is getting up 5 minutes early to enjoy a cup of coffee, or writing in a journal or going for a quick walk around the block, show yourself some self love. See what caring for yourself, first, here and there will do.


Photography : Chelsea Erwin Photography

Outfit: Linked below